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Parenting Tips for Couples Going Through a Divorce

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Parenting Tips for Couples Going Through a Divorce

Divorce affects the spouses, but also their children. When getting divorce it is normal to be preoccupied and focused on your own issues and concerns but bear in mind that your actions can have lifelong consequences for your children. Divorce only dissolves the marriage, not the familial relationships.

Working toward peace between you and your ex-spouse will save years of stress and add to the quality of life for everyone. You can create change by monitoring your own behavior.

It is important to maintain boundaries between adult problems and children. Children should not be burdened by adult problems. Children do not have the coping skills or the intellectual ability to understand money worries, adult relationship issues or their parents' unhappiness. Children have their own grief and worries about the divorce as well as their own developmental tasks to accomplish. They need protection from grown-up worries.

Ensure smooth transitions. Children often experience high stress when they are moving from parent to parent. They worry about the parent they are leaving, they grieve that their family isn't living together and they may be asked to report on the life of the parent they just left, which can provoke an unpredictable parental reaction. It’s especially important not to argue with the other parent at this time. Interactions should be cordial and relatively brief. Kids should not be asked to carry the child support check or messages back and forth. Parents need to handle issues between themselves, protecting the innocence of their children.

Have flexibility regarding divorce agreements. While a divorce agreement is necessary and important, a spirit of flexibility and cooperation between parents will impact daily life for adults and children in important ways. Life throws us many curves and it’s impossible to predict those years in advance. We all need extra help from time to time so it's reassuring to know that our ex-partner will lend a hand when necessary. Obviously, this has to go both ways -- what goes around comes around.

The quality of parenting can suffer while going through divorce. Read as much as you can about protecting your children. See "The Intelligent Divorce" by Mark Banschick and "Helping Your Kids Through Divorce the Sandcastles Way" by Gary Neumann.

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Comments

  • Guest
    Rashmi Kapoor Monday, 26 November 2012

    Domestic violence

    What is domestic violence? People like me who have gone through this know the real meaning of it. For others it might be just another word but how this violence affects the victim is unimaginable. They are physically and mentally tortured. The abuser uses his power to gain control over victim. Some victims reach out for help some don't. Some are scared, and some don't know how to get out of it. The outside wounds heal but the inside gets scarred for life. It is not only the victim who goes through the torture but the people around get affected too. Victims are taken advantage of just because they don't rebel and if they rebel even once in a certain way then they are punished for that in many ways. They feel helpless and trapped. They wait and pray that someday God will send someone who will take them out of this. Some get lucky and some don't.

  • Guest
    Holly James Monday, 25 February 2013

    Divorce

    Thank you so much for this article. My husband and I are looking into a divorce through family law firm in Minneapolis and we are really scared to tell our kids. It is the right thing to do but our children are going to be devastated, especially the younger two. We want to make this as easy and painless as possible for everyone so we will definitely follow this advice. Thanks again.

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Guest Saturday, 21 April 2018